One of life's great mysteries

Why?  Why is this still happening?  It is 2012 - I don't understand.......
What exactly is the deal with men and socks with sandals??   Just wrong on so many levels.

This morning I arrive at the office and head to the coffee room.  I soon hear 2 co-workers approaching - one male, one female. 

She says "Was your wife home when you got dressed for work?"  (snort)

He says "Well, No - why?"

She says "Uhmm, your feet.  Don't let Kim see you."  (Lol  seriously, she said that)

Naturally I bounce out into the hall to investigate and there he is ..... in socks and sandals!!!  And this is not an older fella.  In fact he is generally a pretty snappy dresser. 

Me:  "What are you thinking??" 

Him: "What?  Is it bad?  (Can't believe he had to ask) 

Me:  "YES take those socks off!!"

Him:  "But they are actually quite comfortable"

Me:  (Horrified and stunned)  "Well, so is going bra-less in a muu-muu but you don't see us doing that at work"

Me again:  "Hurry up and take off those socks.  People will see you and know that you work here.  We will all be tainted by association."

He took off the socks.  Whew!!  Please pass on this information to all the men in your life.....If you think its sexy.....It's NOT.   Not even a little bit.  Lets help end the insanity.

My new fella

You know us single gals,

we are always on the prowl for a cute guy.

I thought I would introduce you all to my latest guy.

We just met last week and he has already moved in....

He's a really looker isn't he?

I always wondered about those studious looking bald guys.

At first I thought he must be real smart because

people always say

"grass doesn't grow on a busy street"

But then today I noticed a few sprigs of green hair

sprouting up

Sorry the pic is a bit blurry, but trust me - it's green hair.

I'll keep you posted on "our relationship" 

He's not much of a talker but

he sure is cute!

P.S.  This was the craft done at Mom's Adult Day Care last week.  He should soon have a nice crop of hair to show you.



A nasty trifecta

Not your usual trifecta - not the triple threat you might hope for.  This particular

trifecta shakes down like this - a trio of D's

Delusional

I'm too busy.  Work is out of control and any thoughts I had of getting caught up

- simply Delusional. 

Delayed

This is the status of my life.  Do you know that I have not even had our taxes done yet?? 

Monday is the deadline.  I forced myself tonight to get our crap together

and I WILL deliver it to the accountant tomorrow.  I also have 2 packages sitting here

waiting to be mailed.  Maybe tomorrow.  I hope the recipients are forgiving.

Dishevelled

I'm a mess.  My hair needs to be done.  I have had 2 appointments booked

and had to cancel for last minute work committments. 

Today I worked through lunch (un-planned) to finish a last

minute emergency.  On my way home I ran my fingers through my hair.

I felt something.   I had a Post-it flag stuck in my hair......

For most of the afternoon, I'm guessing.

And no one told me.......Nice!

So the triple D trifecta makes me a triple threat.

And not in a good way.

Friday.......where are you??



When a door closes....

You often hear it said that when a door closes, a window opens.

This morning I awoke to discover that my morning buddy was gone.  The light had left it's eyes.   Its sparkly blue power switch eye.

My Keurig coffee machine is dead.  RIP my dear friend.  You were a ray of sunshine each morning as I grumpily trudged downstairs to read the newspaper.  (I'm so not a morning person) Your bright sparkly blue power light winked at me as you dispensed a perfect cup of my favorite blend.   I sipped your delightful offering each day as I prepared to meet the world.

But alas, this morning I had none.  The door had closed.   What to do?  I need coffee, mainly for the protection of others. 

I decided I had to stop at Tim Horton's Drive Thru on the way to work.  I dreaded it.  The line ups in the morning are horrendous.  I approached the coffee shop.  Something's wrong......there are no cars in the line.  This is unprecedented, especially at that hour of the morning. 

I wondered if the store was closed, maybe there was another power outage - something was wrong.  I proceeded to the microphone, cautiously.  There was a voice on the other end who took my order.  When I arrived at the window I told her I thought the store was closed because there were no cars.  She laughed and said it was very rare.  And then she told me to look behind me.  There were about 15 cars now behind me.

So the moral of this story is that when one door closes (my coffee machine dies), a window opens (all cars clear out of my path at Tim Hortons)

Not sure this is an appropriate analagy for this expression but you knew I would warp it.  :)

Happy Feet and very unhappy eyes

Today I got a nice surprise in the mail.   The contents of the envelope made my feet very happy.

These beautiful hand knit socks from my friend Meg.  They are so comfy and the color looks like Spring.  I love them.  Meg knits all kinds of beautiful things.  You can check them out at Little Bit of Knittery. 

Now for the 2nd part of this post title.  My eyes may be permanently damaged from what I saw tonight.  (If you are local and reading this - don't blab)   This is probably something I shouldn't share but I can't help myself.

I was working late tonight with a large group.  We had about a 5 minute break before the televised portion of the meeting.   It was the only opportunity for a bathroom break.  I headed to the other side of the building to the washroom.  I was wearing my high heel boots and clicked loudly all the way across the tile floors.  (This is important as it proves I was making noise - not sneaking) 

I got to the door and flung it open........and then IT HAPPENED

The door opened and the bathroom was not empty.  He yelled NO - (about 5 seconds too late I might add) at the same time I screamed (more like a traumatizing groan).  I slammed the door and ran to the end of the hall.  And then the giggles started - uncontrollable I might add.   I should note here - I saw nothing (just sayin)  But I am traumatized

Like seriously - - - who doesn't lock the door??

 
This will certainly be a meeting I won't soon forget.  I don't typically drink on a Monday night but I think tonight one is in order. 

Clever Marketing or . . . . .

Sometimes it is a fine line between savy, clever marketing and down-right manipulation.

To what am I referring ?   Quaker Weight Control Oatmeal.  The clever marketing part - "specially formulated to make you feel full longer"

The actual truth - It is so bad that it actually removes your desire to ever eat again.  Yes people - It is that BAD.

This morning I removed it from the microwave (following the package directions exactly) and as I stirred it up - it was like a glue-like substance.  I bravely and against my better judgement took a bite.  N-O-T  good.  I picked up the spoon, turned it upside down, shook it a little and it didn't move or fall off.  I have another marketing suggestion for the company. . . .

It could be used by bricklayers as a substitute for MORTAR.  Each bite I gagged down seemed to fall to the bottom of my stomach and meld together into one glue-like lump.  At the mid point I even added some extra milk to try and thin it out a bit.   The milk just disappeared and it didn't get any thinner.   That part was a little disturbing.

The only accurate part on the packaging was that I didn't want to eat the rest of the morning.  That lump remained ever present for hours, effectively removing any desire to eat - - - anything. And there was also a very disturbing coating of the inside of my mouth, even after brushing my teeth.   Aaackkkk.

So clearly by now you have figured out this is not a paid endorsement from the Quaker company.  Lol

Other than that little experiment, I have stuck to the Weight Watchers plan today.  There was a tiny moment of weakness around 3pm but I powered through it without cheating.  I'm going to have to bring a piece of fruit or something to work for mid afternoon.  I even have a few points left to spare today.

Now - On to more serious business (If anyone is still here reading this foolishness)  I need your help

 As many of you know I always hook a special rug and donate it in February to an auction to raise money for Palliative Care in memory of my friend Tim.

Well, it is one month away and I have nothing.  I have a nice new piece of linen and a brand new pack of sharpies but no ideas.

Since I'm crunched for time, it can't be a very detailed rug.  Something fairly simple.   And just to muddy the water a little more, I have always incorporated hearts into the past 3 rugs.     Any ideas ?  Suggestions ?  Design thoughts ?

Please help me Ladies - This is for a good cause. 

Torn between two lovers

Last night I found myself torn between 2 lovers.  What a dilemma.   What to do, what to do ?

The basis of my problem . . . .

The conflict of  Dancing With The Stars and Sidney Crosby's triumphant return to the hockey arena on TV at the same time . . . .

It was Part 1 of the DWTS Finale  but Sidney, Nova Scotia's hometown hockey hero was playing in his first game in over 10 months after an injury.     Oh, the stress of it.

Then it came to me - a technological triumph . . . .  watch DWTS on TV and follow the hockey game on my iPad with the Hockey Night in Canada App.   GENIUS   I didn't miss a thing.  The wonder-boy scored the first goal and then another with 2 more assists - 4 points. 

I don't even like hockey that much but had to witness Sid's return, and I was not disappointed.  It was certainly all the talk around the office today.    And equally impressive was JR's performance on DWTS.  Fingers crossed he takes home that tacky mirror ball trophy tonight.

And since I'm here typing I might as well tell you about a little wardrobe malfunction today.  Only me, right ?  Murphy's Law is back over my shoulder.  

Today was the flu shot clinic at work for employees.  I forgot and ended up at work wearing a top with the sleeves too tight to pull up high enough and a neckline too tight to pull down far enough.  And of course we do 2 employees needles at a time in the same room  - - without a screen.

Do you see where this is going ??  In my time slot I was paired with a male employee. . . .  naturally.  After a few minutes of contemplation - What the heck - I turned my chair around, told him not to dare peek and pulled my arm out of my sleeve exposing half a bra.   The nurses were keeping an eye on him and we were laughing.  The good part is that he was so scared about getting the needle, I doubt he was worried about me.  Plus I doubt a young guy like that was really interested in peeking at me  - - I'm just trying to make myself feel good.  LOL 

I better go find the snow shovel in the basement.  The weather witch says a storm's coming.

A letter

Dear Kind, courteous driver:

This letter is for the sweet man driving the enormous white Escalade I encountered at the intersection of Mapleton and Trinity this morning. 

I'm sure you were just distracted by your cell phone when you cut me off and almost creamed me with your giant SUV.  I'm sure you thought it was OK because you were bigger than me.  But I'm sure you have heard before that size doesn't matter.  In fact, I'll bet your wife has said this to you a time or two.

I am sorry that I could not make out all the words you were saying, as you were looked down on me when you pulled up beside me at the traffic lights.  I could make out a few of your words though.  I may have missed some of the fine nuances as I watched your big fat lips flapping at me through the glass of the windows.

I was afraid that perhaps you wouldn't hear my responses so I chose to respond in sign language.  I truly do hope that you were able to fully understand my gestures.  I have a feeling you have seen them before.

Thank you for making my nice, quiet little drive to Moncton for a few errands so very special.  I hope you have a SUPER day, and that a thousand fleas infest your armpits - Asshole.

Sincerely,  Kim

P.S.    BITE ME

Ever have one of those days??

Just Sayin . . . . .

Evil Genius for Hire?? Any takers??

OK, sometimes you gotta wonder about people.  This morning a co-worker sent me a link to an advertisement on Kijiji (a Canadian Craigs List).

This was an actual posting.  Luckily I printed it as soon as I read it, because it was too good not to save.  I tried to send a friend the link this afternoon but the ad has since been pulled.    Here is the ad - verbatim from what I printed.

"Nemesis required.  6 - month project with possibility to extend"

I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life.  I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance.  But somethings missing.  I feel like I'm old before my time.  I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late.  I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again.  An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis.  I'm willing to pay $350 up front for your services as an arch enemy over the next six months.   Nothing crazy.  Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when I'm running to catch the BART and occasionally whisper in my ear "Ahhhh, we meet again."    That kind of thing.   Just keep me on my toes.  Complacency will be the death of me.  You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning.  You should also be adept at inconspicuous pursuit.  Evil laugh preferred.  Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.  British accent preferred.

OK folks,  just how darn bored with your life do you have to be to post an online ad inviting this stranger into your life?  

There have been some famous hero - nemesis partnerships

Superman and Lex Luther

Batman and the Joker

Spider-Man and Dr. Octopus

So now I have to wonder if he got any responses.  And then of course my dark twisty mind went to work thinking about what kinds of things his nemesis could do to spice up this poor lonely (naive) guys life.  I thought his suggestions in the ad were a little tame (or lame)

Lets see,  Get the the $350 up front and then steal the guys car, leave it in the yard of a local House of Ill-repute and report it stolen.    Ummmm, steal his credit card, buy sexy lingerie, send it to his wife at home with another womans name on the card.     Ahhhh, hack his work email account and send imappropriate emails to the boss's wife.    Well......they guy said he wanted to spice up his life..............

I did consider applying (briefly).   I practiced my evil laugh all day  Muwahhahhahaha

Any other suggested activities for a pure evil nemesis?   I know I have lots of readers here with dark twisty minds like mine.  Suggestions??

Just think - this guy could be following YOU around

Wednesday Word of the Week

This weeks word is  STIFLE

sti·fle  [stahy-fuhl]

verb, -fled, -fling.

–verb (used with object)

1. to quell, crush, or end by force: to stifle a revolt; to stifle free expression.

2. to suppress, curb, or withhold: to stifle a yawn.

3. to kill by impeding respiration; smother.

–verb (used without object)

4. to suffer from difficulty in breathing, as in a close atmosphere.

5. to become stifled or suffocated.

Blogger has stifled me.  Do you think they are sending me a message that I yap on and on too much??   I can't leave any comments on any of your blogs.
 
I am reading your posts but my wise and thoughtful opinions are being stifled.  (OK maybe I stretched it a teeny bit with the wise thoughtful remark)   Lol   I meant my silly rambling remarks on all YOUR wise thoughtful posts are not being recorded.
 
I love this cat.  Sometimes when I am rambling I imagine this is what you all are thinking.......hahahaha

It makes me twitchy.   I feel disconnected.  I checked with Blogger Known Issues and apparently it is not just me and they are working on it.
 
I have spent the majority of the past 2 days in meetings.  At times I envisioned myself as Archie Bunker and it was all I could do not to scream "Oh Stifle it".   But that would have been a BAD career move.

However, in the meantime, I will keep reading your posts and wait until blogger decides to stop stifling my comments - but for now....my hands are tied

Eeeeek.....

It was only a matter of time.  I knew this day would come eventually, as it does every Spring.

Last night, as I took Millie out to do her business, I was under attack ---  JUNE BUGS.........Eeeeek

Hitting my head, pinging off the siding, their disgusting hard shells crunching under my flip flops in the dark.  Arrrghhh   I hate them.  I imagine they will get caught in my hair and I might actually have to pick one out.  Oh, the horror !!

All the while, I'm screaming at Millie - "Hurry up, they're going to get us!!"  

Thankfully they are only around for a short time.  Then it's the earwigs - oh joy oh bliss. 

On a less creepy note - I have lost my hooking MoJo the last week or so.  I can't get going.  I have blank burlap, wool etc but nothing that makes me want to hook.  So I popped into Deannes at lunch and asked Brenda to find me a small project to get me moving again. 

We picked out this very funky flower.  Perfect for inspiration.  Actually it really reminds of Cathy's work at Orange Sink.  And since I love her patterns I had to try it.  I know it won't match her fun style but it will be fun for me to give it a whirl.

And....I bought myself a new camera lens and it arrived today.  I hope the weather forecast changes so I can test it out this weekend.  I have to stop buying lenses now or else get a larger camera bag.  This one does not have a zoom but takes a wider angle shot for landscapes etc.   The photography lessons start in a couple of weeks so I want to practice.

Oh, and in the interest of public safety I did have 1 cookie last night.  Just one though. 

TGIF

Wednesday Word of the Week

This week the word to ponder is:   APPRECIATE
ap·pre·ci·ate   [uh-pree-shee-eyt] 


verb, -at·ed, -at·ing.
1. to be grateful or thankful for: They appreciated his thoughtfulness.

–verb (used with object)
2. to value or regard highly; place a high estimate on: to appreciate good wine.
3. to be fully conscious of; be aware of; detect: to appreciate the dangers of a situation.
4. to raise in value.

–verb (used without object)
5. to increase in value: Property values appreciated yearly.

So often we forget to appreciate what is in our lives.  I can tell you from experience that it is much easier to appreciate what you have than to moan and whine about what you don't have.  Just as simple as having a roof over your head and a few coins in your pocket puts us miles ahead of millions of others in the world.

And this is the last Word of the Week before Mothers Day on Sunday so I appreciate the fact that I still have my Mother with me, although she doesn't always know it.  But I do appreciate those brief flashes of recognition that appear.  I appreciate the fact that I have family and work related support that allows me to continue to keep her at home where she is safe and comfortable.

Now, of course, I have to put my own little twisty humor into this post (I hope you appreciate it)

........that I wish you would friggin grow.   I'm not asking for world peace here....just a little sprout for pete's sake!

And lastly, one thing I appreciate is that Kendra finally got the boot last night on Dancing with the Stars.  I have yet to be able to appreciate how shaking your surgically enhanced taa-taa's in front of a creepy old man in a smoking jacket makes you a STAR.   Hellooooooooooo........

Wednesday Word of the Week

The Word of the Week is  Chameleon

cha·me·le·on     [kuh-mee-lee-uhn, -meel-yuhn]
–noun

1. any of numerous Old world lizards of the family Chamaeleontidae, characterized by the ability to change the color of their skin, very slow locomotion, and a projectile tongue.

2. any of several American lizards capable of changing the color of the skin, especially Anolis carolinensis (American chameleon), of the southeastern U.S.

3. a changeable, fickle, or inconstant person.

4. ( initial capital letter ) Astronomy . Chamaeleon.
 

If you recall from my last post - I was attempting to save my sanity by hiding in my office.  Melaine had a great suggestion - to dress in the wall color and blend into the background.  Love it - So next week I'm going beige head to toe.   Do you think it will work??

Also, if you go back to my definition, at the end of #1 it mentions a projectile tongue.   Hmmm, this is what I feel like doing a lot of the time

However, maybe if I kept my tongue in my mouth more and yapped less I could avoid doing this....



But for now I will dig through my closet and look for lots of beige and see if I can pull off the Chameleon thing.   Now that I think about it - this could be useful at home also.   
 
Oh and no post on Chameleons would be complete with a reminder of this.....

So you remember this song?   Oh Man - the 80's........What were we thinking????

Just another manic Monday

It all started so innocently.  Just another Monday...

I arrived at work early (as usual) and put on the coffee pot in the staff room.

After a quick catch-up with Corinne, who had been away all last week, I went to my office

and turned on the computer, opened up the email and.....

Friggin Land Mines started going off all around me. 

Sucky emails, crappy phone calls, crabby people with nasty issues in my office.....

Sheesh, I hate Mondays!

Things started to quiet down around 11am, so since that time I have been hiding in my office....

Like Elmer Fudd during Wabbit Hunting Season

Shhhhhhhh, be vewy vewy quiet.....

Maybe nobody will know I'm still here.........

Wednesday Word of the Week

This weeks word is.......Zombie

zom·bie    [zom-bee]
–noun


1. (in voodoo)

a. the body of a dead person given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose.

b. the supernatural force itself.

2. Informal .
a. a person whose behavior or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote; automaton.

b. an eccentric or peculiar person.

3. a snake god worshiped in West Indian and Brazilian religious practices of African origin.

4. a tall drink made typically with several kinds of rum, citrus juice, and often apricot liqueur.

Today is the first of several annual budget preparation meetings.  It is scheduled from noon until 7pm.   Yes...7 hours long.  I am not a "numbers" person.  This is going to be painful.

 

I anticipate being like a zombie before it is over.  Seven long hours of soul sucking, mind numbing presentations of numbers, numbers, numbers.

I can probably feign interest for the first couple of hours but by about 3pm this will be how I feel.  Six adults will each attempt to gain a larger slice of the pie.  And if anyone even suspects there are a few dollars unspoken for this could happen.....

And, I suspect that by about 3 pm even the most entertaining excuses that many will offer for why they NEED the extra money will not even un-zombify me.  "If I don't get the extra money for X then society will crumble, there will be chaos in the streets....etc".  
By 7 pm I think I might need one of the zombie drinks defined in # 4 about.  Lots of rum. 

Monday and O.P.M.'s

Another Monday ~~~~ and another opportunity to deal with O.P.M.'s

If you remember from a previous post - Other People Moods

As if Mondays aren't difficult enough with adding that crap to the mix.

Somedays I feel like going outside and checking the sign on the front of the building.  It is a professional office......NOT a day-care center.

Leave your garbage at the door - If you can't play nice on the playground then skip recess and stay at your desk.......Monday bullsh@# !!

Blah, blah, blah.  So in the spirit of Monday here are a few other Monday images that seem appropriate

Don't I look pretty on Monday mornings??  Hello Tuesday - I have a road trip! 

Our Superbowl

Yes our version of the SuperBowl is the Oscars.   Sure, we like movies but really Auntie and I are more interested in watching the pretty people and the pretty clothes etc.

Much like Super Bowl Sunday, I have all the snacks ready for the big Couch-Potato night.  Chips, cookies, taco dip etc.

The Oscars are one of the few things that Auntie and I do together that doesn't end in a bit of a squabble.  I suppose because of the stress of caregiving together, we can sometimes take out frustrations on each other.  But not tonight!   Tonight is all about junk food and some foolishness.

You see, we turn into catty, mean 13 year old girls once the red carpet show starts.   Just wait until someone struts out in some really ugly dress.  Remember years past - the credit card dress, Bjorks swan dress, Lara Flynn Boyle's pink tutu, and the year Drew Barrymore forgot to wear a bra ??

Oh then the claws come out.  And god forbid someone wins who we don't like.......Look out!!!  It worse than being at a hockey rink when the referee misses a penalty call.

And don't even get me started when some shmuck who we have never heard of goes on waaayyyy to long with their acceptance speech.   Seriously....do you need to thank the guy who put the extra sprinkles on your ice cream cone when you were 5......??

Yes....we start yelling at the TV -  "Get the Hook".   Yup we are in for a real mature night here at the funny farm.   LOL