Dear Kind, courteous driver:
This letter is for the sweet man driving the enormous white Escalade I encountered at the intersection of Mapleton and Trinity this morning.
I'm sure you were just distracted by your cell phone when you cut me off and almost creamed me with your giant SUV. I'm sure you thought it was OK because you were bigger than me. But I'm sure you have heard before that size doesn't matter. In fact, I'll bet your wife has said this to you a time or two.
I am sorry that I could not make out all the words you were saying, as you were looked down on me when you pulled up beside me at the traffic lights. I could make out a few of your words though. I may have missed some of the fine nuances as I watched your big fat lips flapping at me through the glass of the windows.
I was afraid that perhaps you wouldn't hear my responses so I chose to respond in sign language. I truly do hope that you were able to fully understand my gestures. I have a feeling you have seen them before.
Thank you for making my nice, quiet little drive to Moncton for a few errands so very special. I hope you have a SUPER day, and that a thousand fleas infest your armpits - Asshole.
P.S. BITE ME