Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Another Day in Paradise

There has been alot going on here in paradise at home.  When I first started blogging I thought it would be a great way to share and deal with the whole package of being a caregiver for an Alzheimers parent.   However I quickly realized that I wasn't comfortable with sharing too much info about Mom as I felt I might be violating her privacy and her dignity.  So I don't talk much about the gory details.

Recently I discovered a blog called Accepting Change. I was immediately attracted to the name first.  Then of course I read several postings and began to follow.  But the name struck a real chord with me.  I have never been great at accepting change.  I like my routines and I like to know what is on the horizon.  However in the last few years, that has gone right out the window.  My whole life has been in constant change.  I am getting better at rolling with the punches.  (But really, when is it enough?) Somedays I feel like Rocky in the movie where he got the crap beat out of him.

I have become an unwilling expert.  Lately I can boast to becoming an expert on every adult incontinence product on the market.  EVERY ONE !   I could do product reviews of what works, what doesn't work, and what REALLY doesn't work.   But I guess this is all part of accepting change.

I suppose that accepting change is a part of life.  We all change.  Everything changes every day - grass grows and flowers bloom.   I try to remind myself that change isn't bad, it is necessary.  I am changing. I have changed.  Change means I am growing and that is a good thing.


  1. I think the people who can accept change live longer and healthier lives! I am sorry about your mom. sandie

  2. You are my hero in so many ways. You are such a example of how I wished I lived. You deal with change gracefully most of the time and I am always amazed at you.
    I have always liked that you have been so kind about your Mom and I think you are just wonderful.
    I will check out that blog because I am so bad at change.
    This was a wonderful post my friend.

  3. Kim, you are such a wonderful, beautiful person to not only go through this but to have such an amazing outlook about it. You are such a blessing to your mama! It is hard to go through change, any change, and good for you for keeping your head up and knowing it's just all part of life. You'll be even stronger on the other side than you think you'll be.*Hugs*

  4. Kim ~
    What a great post! Change is not easy and I don't like it, not one little bit. As I've said before and I'll say again, there is a special spot in heaven with your name engraved there.
    Hugs, dear friend :)

  5. I have not always dealt easily with changes in life myself, unless I have had a 'pattern' to follow - someone that I've discovered has gone through something before I have had to deal with it myself. Then when I see how THEY have handled it, I can better handle it myself. Alzheimer's has been the one exception for me - I worked at a long term care facility in PT and OT, but also as an activity technician. In Activities, they put me in CHARGE of the Alzheimer Unit because no one else wanted to deal with it. I found those folks such a joy - I could change hats in a moment's notice - a nurse one second, and a policeman the next! Whatever they needed me to be, to get through what their poor minds could possibly want to make sense out of an experience, they could count on me. I still need a 'fix' now and then, and find myself visiting even though I am no longer employed at that facility. It was something that was instantly comfortable and rewarding to me, and I needed no pattern to fit into that world. Bless you as you go forward, and I do hope you are getting the much needed breaks from time to time in your situation, Kim.

  6. You have a HUGH job...keep up your self pamper offset. Best to you.

  7. One day at a time, Your not alone Kim, Sometimes I wonder why God gives us a heart It sure can hurt when Life is so tough, HUgs Cheri

  8. Kim,
    I marvel at the way you can put words to a difficult situation. The struggles we go through as caregivers are not easy and they are in some cases long and on going. Your sweet Mom is blessed to have the best and the smartest in the world caring for her! Sending big hugs and special prayers for you both..... and Auntie too!
    Cathy G

  9. Kim: As always, you have my utmost admiration for how gracefully you manage all that's been put on your plate. This posting is good for all of us, caregivers or not. I only wish I had had the benefit of internet and sharing when I was going through it and felt like I was stuck on some awful planet all by myself. Hang in there, hugs, Martie

  10. Hi Kim!

    Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog. I started Accepting Change at a time when I lost our sweet dog Tobey to an unknown disease, my daughter moved away to college, and the company I'd worked for 11 1/2 years went bankrupt, all within a 2 month period. As you can imagine, my mind was reeling, and I desperately needed an outlet. Putting things in writing helped me put them in perspective as well. Life is never the same from one day to the next. We have a choice: let the changes bring us down and become depressed, or accept the changes and the challenges that come with it. I chose the latter, trusting God to take care of the rest. He has never let me down.

    I can sympathize with your situation; my uncle has Alzheimer's disease, between stages 5 and 6. He recognizes only my aunt, his two daughters and one of his grandchildren. It's very sad to visit him and have him say, "Hello. I don't remember you." It is even harder to see my aunt, his wife of 60 years, insist on caring for him even though she herself is 77 years old. But it has taught me a lot about what true love is. It's easy to love someone when life is going great, but what about when the curve ball comes? What about when it becomes "inconvenient"? I applaud you, Kim, because your love for your mom goes beyond the Mother's day gift. Your gift is caring for someone who once cared for you with all the love a heart can hold. This is what the Lord meant when He said to honor our parents. You are honoring your mother, and God will give you the strength and wisdom you need to accomplish this monumental task. God bless you Kim. You are an incredible woman.

  11. I can totally relate to your post here. Its just been in the last little while that I'm facing the fact that my folks are getting older. Their health is pretty good - other than the fact that my dad's prostate cancer is once again advancing. But they're more frail, more forgetful, and my dad recently treated me to the fact that when he stands for too long a time he "dribbles." Sweet. I'm also trying to deal with an aunt who is in declining health and is experiencing a bit of dementia. It's hard to see these people you love so much go through so many tough challenges. The upside is that we are a united family and we're all ready to help out.

  12. Knowing your tender heart Kim, I presume that you have tears running down your pretty cheeks as you read your blogger friends tribute to you.

    I hate changes too, especially those I don't choose myself and all through my life, I've had to bend and take the blows one at a time and it has made me stronger person but I still hate change.

    I love what the St Francis of Assisi prayer tells us, to accept what we cannot change, to change what we can change and the wisdom to know the difference.

    Kim, you are really an admirable lady and I love you as a friend.
    Hugs, JB

  13. I can't pretent to know what you are going through on a daily basis. I do know you are kind and brave.
    thinking of you

  14. geez kim i had to go get more coffee to help me catch up on your blog...sometimes its so hard to catch up. im glad you found that blog and i hope it helps somehow. i hate changes but with age i think we deal with it better. we really have no choice do we.. just makes it a bit easier if wse go with the flow. im sure each day has its own challenges..and im glad you share with us blogging friends! please take time for you even if its just a walk... thinking of you!

  15. Touche my friend - what an amazing post....Glad I spent my "blog time" this week catching up here. I don't speak of it often, but my mother, too, is in declining health and has Alzheimer's. We have complicated family issues that have arisen - the brother/wife/family that have lived with (off?) her for the past 22 years decided (now that she needs assistance) to move out. She wants so desperately to stay in her home, and my younger brother, niece and I are trying to accommodate that. But some days, I wake up and just say "what happened?" "I want it the way it used to be...." Will be saying a prayer for you my friend....Hugs ~ Robin