Once upon a time, there was a kind old lady who lived at the North Pole. She was sweet and generous to all she encountered. But her husband was a bit of a workaholic who was rarely home. He was always in the workshop for most of the year with his "friends" and when holiday season arrived he took regular "business trips" to spread joy.
But his wife was lonely and quite frankly becoming suspicious of exactly what "spreading joy" meant! Her husbands excuses were always the same and she feared the worst. Her mood deepened as the holidays neared. She took solice in her kitchen, baking and tasting copius amounts of fruit cake and gingerbreads. Why bother to take care of myself she asked -- he's never home anyway. So she continued to seek affection directly from the oven.
One day a concerned elf appeared in her kitchen. He held up a mirror to her rotund face that had now sunk and spread to where her neck used to be. "Look at yourself" he squeaked. "No wonder Santa is hiding out in the workshop."
"Oh dear.........look at what's become of me", she moaned
"My hair is a discolored rats nest and........WHERE IS MY NECK??" The concerned little elf hopped up on the kitchen counter and dried her eyes. "Let me help you. I know a plastic surgeon who is doing new techniques using wool. I just know she can help you."
So the Mrs put her faith in the little elf and made an appointment with the surgeon. She begged to look less like a witch in a red dress and more like the kind, sweet, caring person who once lit a fire in Old St. Nick.
P.S. If Santa is a little late getting to your house this year it's because he's "getting busy" with the Mrs....