It's sometimes hard for me to believe but in a few hours it will be one year since my sweet Mom passed away. I never knew how much you could miss someone until the moment she was gone.
Tomorrow will be the last of my "firsts" without her. However I am not looking at this as a sadness like many of the anniversaries in the past year. I feel like I have completed the circle. I have gotten through this year and survived.
And I look back upon the last 12 months and can barely recognize my life. So much has changed. For so many years I was a caregiver and that was how I defined myself. In the last year I have tried to figure out who I am now. I still don't have an answer to this.
But I do know that whatever I am, it's because of her. She taught me everything. She nurtured and encouraged. Many times over the years I thought back to certain events in our lives and wondered why she did certain things, especially as it affected me. As I got older, with more life experiences I realized she was teaching me. Teaching me to be strong and independent, able to think on my own and reason out decisions, and to stand up for myself and not let others make me feel like crap.
So tomorrow I will spend a quiet day, honoring my Mom for all she gave me.